


Heart Vacancy

by shadowsamurai



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, F/M, Mild Language, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-19
Updated: 2012-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-08 03:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/438548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wanted to comfort her... Yeah, I know. Hard bitten homicide cop, former Marine, and I want to comfort someone. But that's what she does to me, and the best thing about it is she can't she what she's doing!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart Vacancy

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a Grillows story, but somewhere along the line, it became a Brillows. I think it could be either...a vid with either pairing would look great if anyone's so inclined to make one! :D All lyrics used belong to The Wanted.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)

JB-CW-JB-CW-JB-CW

*I feel your heart cry for love  
But you won't let me make it right  
You were hurt, but I decided  
That you were worth the fight*

Another long night, another case that ate away at her. I could see it, saw it all the time, but couldn't do a damned thing about it, no matter how much I wanted to. I wanted to comfort her... Yeah, I know. Hard bitten homicide cop, former Marine, and I want to comfort someone. But that's what she does to me, and the best thing about it is she can't she what she's doing! I wish I could make her see, but the timing's never right. Okay, so that's another way of saying I'm chicken, but hey, she's a damn fine catch for any man! She deserves to be treated right and I don't know if I'm the guy who can do that. Sure, I'll treat her better than the other scumbags in her life, but she seems to attract – or go for – that kinda man. Well, that's not completely fair – one wasn't a scumbag. In fact, I'd say he was my best friend, but it just didn't work out between them. I thought they were in it for keeps for sure, but it just goes to show you can never tell.

*Every night, you lock up  
You won't let me come inside  
But the look in your eyes  
Says I can turn the tide*

I don't even now for sure what made me change my mind, why I suddenly decided to try and win her affections. I think I got tired of seeing her so torn up inside that I wanted it fix it, badly. Wait, that's right. It was about the time her ex-husband – or at that time he was soon to be the ex-husband – showed up at work and threatened her. I wasn't there, Gil was, luckily for Eddie, because when I heard what happened, I felt my blood boiling in a matter of seconds, though from the way the lab rats were telling it, Gil wasn't much better. But then again, he's always had a soft spot for her. As I said before, they had a thing once and with the way they are with each other, I was surprised it ended. Sure, they're about as opposite as you can get but they do say opposites attract and they proved it.

I remember talking to her afterward, watching the fright and pain giving way to raw anger, and while I never wanted that rage aimed at me, I couldn't help but be in awe of this incredible woman, and I don't mind admitting that in that moment, I never wanted her more. And suddenly, she stopped talking and just stared at me, and for the briefest of seconds, I started to believe in miracles.

*In your heart, in your heart, in your heart  
I can tell you can fit one more  
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart  
I don't care who was there before*

And another case, and another long night, and I'm glad I reached the scene on time. From the looks of it, she was about to kick the woman's ass, though I can't say I'm surprised. Mother kills her own daughter just to start a new life with her boyfriend; it's a depressing world we live in. I took hold of Catherine's arms gently, spoke to her softly, and again, I got a reward of a glance, something telling me that Gil wasn't a threat, that he was the past and she was ready for a different future. But it was gone before I could tell for sure, and then so was she. I could guess where she'd run off to, and you have no idea how much I wanted to be wrong.

*I hear your heart cry for love  
Then you act like there's no room  
Room for me, or anyone  
"Don't disturb" is all I see*

The next night, I see her and casually ask how she was doing. Turns out I was wrong. She went home and crashed out. Alone. Really gotta have a talk with my feelings because I could swear my heart's skipping. Get a grip, Jim, you're deluding yourself. But am I? I'm no expert on women, but I can read the signs pretty good. Better than Gil, for example. Yeah, you're right, bad example. But I could tell she was blowing hot and cold with me, reaching out and then pulling away at the last minute. Once over it would have driven me crazy, but now I'm older, I'm more patient. Most of the time. Alright, some of the time, but where she's concerned, I'm prepared to have the patience of a saint. Because she's worth it.

*This ain't the Heartbreak Hotel  
Even though I know it well  
Those no shows, they sure tell  
In the way you hold yourself*

And tonight I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing. We've both got enough emotional baggage to fill several cargo holds on those big damned jumbo jets, not to mention scars aplenty; could make a few road maps with those, the ones you can see and the ones you can't. She needs someone untainted, someone who can help her through the shit she's got to deal with, not someone who's as good with handling touchy-feely crap as an armless guy is at brain surgery. You think I'm exaggerating? I'm a homicide cop, a Captain, former Marine...you do the math. But then I see her, walking stiffly down the corridor, and before I know it, I'm calling to her. Offering her coffee. She declines. I offer her stale donuts. She declines. I offer her a striptease later on and then prepare to curse myself for being an idiot. Turns out the cursing isn't needed because she laughs, comes over to me and puts her hand on my arm. She doesn't say 'thanks' but it's implied in the kiss she plants on my cheek. Now I remember why I'm doing what the hell I'm doing.

*Don't you fret, should you get  
Another cancellation  
Give me a chance I'd make a  
Permanent reservation*

Gil's trying to get himself killed, I swear he is. Hell, if he's that desperate, I'll do the damned job for him! What was he thinking, going to that guy's house like that? Unarmed, no backup...I swear he's trying to put me into an early grave. I know we work the graveyard shift, but still... It's funny, their history together doesn't bother me, and why should it? They were friends before, and they stayed friends after, and to me, that's a mighty fine achievement, and I'm proud of them both. I know she's upset about what happened, not shooting the maniac – she's got brass balls for that kinda thing. But the fact that her best friend almost got killed. Well, that and she was pissed off about another canceled date. I swear, what's wrong with these guys? Are they all blind or just plain stupid? She said to me, 'If I'd been two minutes late...' I told her not to think about it, told her she got there, saved his butt, and that's all that matters. She said the same as me; 'if Grissom wants to die, I'd be happy to help him!' We both know we don't mean it, it's just the stress talking, but still, I want to punch Gil's lights out for making her feel that way. But I don't, because then she'd be pissed at *me.* So I squeeze her arm, and then notice a stray bit of hair that looks to be irritating her. And when I brush it from her face, she gives me another look, one I think I'm expected to understand, but I don't. Not quite.

*In your heart, in your heart, in your heart  
I can tell you can fit one more  
Open up make a brand new start  
I don't care who's stayed before*

I know Eddie isn't helping matters either. He never does. Honestly, the best thing he could do, for everyone, would be to just die, but I don't say that. Instead I tell her to go and enjoy breakfast while I finish up paperwork. There's always paperwork to be done, but it's just an excuse. She needs to be with Gil and the rest of the team. They've done good work this last year – not the normal year, the paperwork year – the reviews came back good, and they all survived, which is an achievement in this job. And while I know I'm expected to go, I don't feel like it. After being shipped sideways back to homicide, I don't feel part of the group any more, not as much as I used to, anyway. I know it's just me, but it's a time for the science geeks and I tell her so. She glares at me, punches me on the arm, then kisses my cheek before swaying away. Damn, but she should be arrested for those hips!

*When I, talk to you, on the phone  
Listen close*

But the paperwork doesn't help to distract me. I can't help thinking about things, about how none of us are getting any younger and while I'm not getting ready to put myself out to pasture just yet, I'm starting to wonder which bullet'll take me out. And what I want to do with the rest of my years. And while Gil's close encounter didn't shake me that much, it did get me to thinking. And before I know it, I'm reaching for my phone and dialing an all too familiar number. There's a lot of noise in the background when she picks up, sounds like the kids are having fun, and I'm already regretting calling. But she isn't letting me get away that easy. I try telling her it doesn't matter; she says she can't hear me. So I figure, hey, she can't hear me, maybe this is a good time to tell her how I'm feeling.

So I do.

And it goes quiet.

I throw my phone on the desk, disgusted with myself, not only for messing up my only chance with her, but for being a coward and doing this over the phone. Suddenly I want my own breakfast and food has nothing to do with it, but I stay and force myself to finish the paperwork. I can't afford to come undone over a woman, even one as special as Catherine. I doesn't take me long, a few notes here, a couple of signatures there and I'm done. I grab my jacket, collect my phone and head out of my office.

And almost walk straight into the one I can't stop thinking about. She looks at me, her face a mask, the one I've come to know so well and wish I wouldn't see any more. I want to see the real her.

"Your office. Now."

It's a definite command and I can feel myself wanting to argue out of habit as she breezes past me, straight into my office, and then stands there with her hands on her hips, her back to me, just waiting. And since I don't like to keep a lady waiting, even the imperious ones, I follow her, close the door and lean against it.

"Yes?"

I know my mild, calm tone will infuriate her even more but I can't help it. It's a game between us, a game she plays with the others as well. It's a pattern we're familiar with, in our little family, and I'm not disappointed when she turns and I see the fire in her eyes.

"Don't 'yes' me in that tone of voice, mister!" she exclaims, pointing at me. "That phone call... How could you...?" She throws her hands up in the air and turns her back on me again. I'm not even going to pretend I understood that, so I just fold my arms across my chest and wait for her to continue. I don't have to wait long. "Say it again."

"What?" I ask, surprised and not a little confused.

She takes a step towards me, half-predatory, half-unsure, and suddenly I wish my back wasn't against the door. It leaves me with nowhere to go and being cornered, even by her, isn't something I enjoy.

"What you told me on the phone. Tell me again," she repeats quietly, and I can see the need in her eyes. I was right, she wants this, she wants *me,* though God only knows why, and I'll bet even He isn't sure. But she's scared, and with good reason. What with Eddie and Gil, and the other losers who've hurt her before, why should she expect me to be any different? But I am, I've just got to show her.

*Listen close*

It's now or never, do or die, so I drop my voice, drop my arms so I look a little less defensive, and start talking. It ain't easy. "I care about you, Catherine. A helluva lot. Every time someone hurts you, a case gets under your skin, I want to...look after you, though I know you don't need it. Comfort you." I push away from the door and start pacing. "This ain't easy for me," I tell her.

She nods. "I know." She grabs my wrist to stop me from moving. "So show me instead."

I don't need a second invitation and as our lips touch, I catch the look in her eyes before she closes them. Looks like her heart isn't vacant any more; now it's all mine.

FIN


End file.
